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5 Best Doomsday Escape Plans

How to Avoid Armageddon

A lot of people think that some sort of Apocalyptic event will take place in our near future. While only Evangelicals believe that it will be the Bible’s version of Armageddon, people from all walks of life agree that there’s some sort of impending doom on the horizon.

In fact, Doomsday scenarios and escape routes have become the new favorite cocktail conversations in Silicon Valley and on Wall Street. Financial institutions and think-tanks are already convinced that an Eat the Rich type of uprising is inevitable, and even if they’re wrong, an equal number of think-tanks find the prospect of nuclear war unavoidable and imminent.  Elon Musk keeps ominously warning about the threat of A.I. and Donald Trump is President—any way you look at it, it’s time to think about your escape plan now.

1. A Real Zeal for Survival

A lot of moguls from the tech and financial industry are betting on New Zealand as the best place to ride out the apocalypse. New reports say that not one, but seven different billionaires have bought survival condos in the states and then had them shipped to New Zealand to be buried underground.

Bloomberg News recently explained that they all settled on New Zealand for similar reasons, most common amongst them—New Zealanders speak English, the country has no real enemies, it’s isolated, and most importantly, rich people can buy citizenship there through various financial investments. 

The plan is that once the first signs of civilization’s unraveling occur, they get out of dodge and bury themselves in New Zealand until the nuclear smoke clears. If you’re rich and reading this and think you may have just found you’re way out of facing doomsday, think again. A ban on foreigners buying land goes into effect in a few months and everyone knows it takes at least half-a-year to get a luxury survival condo built, shipped, and installed in the ground—better keep reading.

2. Notes from the Underground

If you’re not interested in relocating for Doomsday, there are plenty of American options too. The United States is filled with underground missile silos and former underground communications centers left over from the Cold War. 

Over the years the government auctioned these sites off as they stopped using them and as result, forward-thinking doomsday profiteers snatched them up and converted them into luxury survival bunkers for the super-rich.

The idea has gained such popularity that companies are in a rush to buy up land and start building these underground condos that have price tags of up to $12 million  and higher. But for $12 million you can get your own indoor swimming pool, movie theater, basketball court, rock-climbing wall, shooting range, and arsenal of weapons for protection.

Some even come with hired guards to protect the owners from attacks by the 99 percent of people who didn’t have the money to build their own impenetrable underground fortress. What these insanely rich dimwits fail to realize is that their armed guards will gladly turn on them and take over their luxury condos for themselves. 

So, if you’re interested in riding out the apocalypse in one of these underground paradises, we suggest you start applying for jobs at the companion security companies right away. Maybe your new bosses will be so nice that you really will be committed to protecting them and their family for the rest of your boring underground life but if not, the security personnel usually control the weapons room if you know what we mean.

3. Journey to the Center of the Earth

Along the North Central Coast of Vietnam, in the jungles of Phong Nah-Ke Bang National Park, exists a 3,000,000-year-old underground paradise that was only recently rediscovered when a farmer noticed an unusual hole in the ground. That hole was the forgotten entrance to Hang Son Doong, the largest underground cave in the world. It is its own world and has its own forest, rivers, beach, exotic wildlife and stalagmites and stalactites that are the size of skyscrapers.

The cave is so enormous that at its largest opening it could fit an entire city block of 40-story tall buildings and it’s so vast that no one has discovered how far it goes yet. If you followed it deep enough you might even end up running into rumored and mythological middle earth dwellers like the Lemurians, Vril lizards, or Annunaki, and end up discovering an even more advanced civilization than the one you left. Probably not though.

How does this newfound knowledge help you escape Armageddon? Here’s how: Vietnam only allows abut 500 tourists a year to access this cave and that’s only been going on for less than 10 years so virtually no one in the world has been inside of this cave or knows how to get there. 

That’s good news for you because when you’ve found an underground paradise to ride out doomsday in, you don’t want the whole world knowing how to get there. 

If you are reading this, the internet still works so now all you need to do is Google the coordinates for Hang Son Doong, buy a compass for $10 and an open ticket to Vietnam for roughly $1,000.

As soon as you feel a hint of social unrest, grab your ticket, your backpack and your compass and take off for Vietnam. Once you get there, follow the coordinates you got tattooed on your ankle after reading this article and enjoy your freedom in paradise while society implodes on itself aboveground.

4. Do It Yourself

If you’ve read the first three options and your lack of money, lack of security expertise, or fear of traveling has you worried, don’t be. If you don’t want to go anywhere in order to escape, you can just build your own doomsday shelter in your back yard.

The internet is full of how-to guides for D.I.Y. doomsday bunkers. The purveyors of advice range from drunken cousins speculating on what might work to actual professionals dispensing sound advice. A little common sense will steer you in the right direction. 

The budget on this project ranges from $10,000-90,000 and could certainly go higher. There are also some estimates as low as $2,500 if you only account for materials and are truly able to do 100 percent of the construction yourself (and own the equipment to do it). If $2,500 is too rich for your budget and you’re determined to stay put where you are when doomsday comes, then we strongly suggest you follow our fifth escape route.

5. Embrace Armageddon

This may sound like the opposite of an exit plan but if it’s undertaken in the spirit of Buddhism it’s actually the ultimate escape plan. According to Buddhists, acceptance can be an extremely freeing thing.  

Don’t confuse acceptance with resignation though. The point is not to feel overwhelmed and helpless by the unraveling of civilization, the goal is to rise above these feelings and situations.

So, Buddhists suggest deep breathing and self-reflection which will ultimately lead you to realize that you are not the self and allow you to become the unshakable observer rather than the victim. In this state one is sustained through any material crisis.

They also believe in reincarnation so even if you mess up and die during this doomsday, you’ll get a chance to try again in the next one. Good luck!

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