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So eventually the dust settles and lo and behold, the earth was a scorched, scarred mess.
This is the result of two infantile men with tiny penises, seeing who had the biggest rockets.
An entire planet of living breathing evolving creatures, reduced to dust by a couple of vainglorious morons, without a shred of human decency between them. How could we the public not have stopped this final cataclysmic ending?
Unfortunately, we the public consist of almost the same kind of idiots who were in charge of weapons of mass destruction. The one percent of the public who could see the future without the aid of a crystal ball of complicated algorithms, were left on the sidelines, screaming at these vile excuses for human beings, to stop and consider the consequences of their penis length argument.
The usual one percent who had ruled the planet for centuries, had made emergency escape plans, consisting of scurrying to the South Pole and leaving the earth by way of extra terrestrial craft, piloted by alien beings. Unfortunately, the spacecraft with which they were escaping, was mistaken for an intercontinental ballistic missile, and was vaporised by a Chinese defense rocket manned by chimps. A fitting end to their parasitic lives on earth.
We — and by we, I mean the few who knew this testosterone fuelled bun fight would end badly — were left to stand and stare at the clouds of nuclear dust rolling ever closer to our vantage point on the roof of the Vatican. We had tried to get the Pope to intervene between the two giant egos, but he was out when we arrived. On a school visit, we were told. Oh how we smirked!
As he was "out," we made ourselves at home. The semi-naked Cardinal who was on door opening duty, didn't seem to mind or care that we had come inside this holy building. He seemed to have something else on his mind, as he tattered away with his Versace trousers around his skinny white ankles.
The news had reached us that the USA had fired a nuclear missile at Pyongyang, the capital of The People's Republic of North Korea. This we knew would bring China into the arena in defense of its ally. At this point there was no turning back. The shit had just hit the biggest fan!
The television news channels were in meltdown. Presenters were running around screaming. Even some of the females! This was not what had been expected. This wasn't part of the plan. They had mostly backed their own President to point his tiny member at the "commie' bastards, and watch as they came to heel like obedient dogs.
This didn't happen. This was actually the end. Triggers had been pulled and couldn't be unpulled. The missiles were in the air and although defense shields would knock out some of them, many more would get through.
There was mass panic on the streets, as people tried to get away, but away from what? Nowhere was away. Away was everywhere. Eventually even the looters realised there wouldn't be a market for forty left-footed Crocs, and stood waiting for the inevitable. Silence descended across the world as the missiles roared across the globe and decimated each and every county. There would be no hiding place.
On the roof of the Vatican, we felt a warm and then hot wind blow toward us. We smiled and in a second, we were gone.
This may all sound like a fictional tale, and you would be correct, but really only the chimps part is fiction. The Chinese defense missile was unmanned. The rest of this is not only possible, but probable.