'Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom' Remains Entertaining Despite Formulaic Story

"Come on, everybody! Let's get in the van and watch the newest dinosaur movie! Gee, I wonder what's gonna happen in this one!" – No One. Ever.

When it comes to movies about dinosaurs in present-day, you essentially know what's gonna happen in the movie. Dinosaurs start attacking people, and the heroes need to stop them and keep kids safe. And at this point, in the FOURTH sequel to Jurassic Park, I think the solution is pretty much to stop making f**king dinosaurs.

So, what did I think of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom? Well, we're gonna give the film a Sequel Review, and we're gonna rate the movie based on the WASDO criteria: Writing, Acting, Soundtrack, Directing, and Original (as in, how it compares to original).

This will be a spoiler-freereview, so here we go.

Writing

Out of ALL the Jurassic Park opening scenes, I have to say the beginning of this movie is the best one. The opening has suspense, action, and is a perfect representation of what these dinosaur movies should look like.

I mean, the film's opening scene is so well-made that it makes THIS scene from Jurassic Park III look like an SNL skit.

Anyways, I'd say the whole movie was pretty well-written. It provides good closure for Isla Nublar, contains multiple moments of comic relief, and it's generally a very good, well-crafted story. They introduced some pretty good new characters, and in terms of dinosaur movies, this is as good as it gets.

Now, does this movie provide anything new to the Jurassic Park formula? Honestly, no. The film is really good, but it's just pretty much the same dinosaur movie formula given to us in a different way.

These Jurassic Park movies are becoming more and more like Liam Neeson movies. I mean, sure, they're entertaining and I have a blast watching them, but think about it—Non-Stop and The Commuter are basically the same movie.

I mean, Jurassic World has the I-Rex? This movie has the Indo-Raptor. So, while Fallen Kingdom provides a very cool, fun story, it doesn't really introduce anything original or special to the whole Jurassic Park formula.

When Jurassic World 3 arrives in 2021, I want a more original story. I want something we haven't seen before. Something to really shock me. I don't want another "extremely dangerous mutated dinosaur" story. I want something new.

But overall, I really liked the writing in this movie. It was pretty good and– OH MY GOD, IS THAT DR. IAN MALCOLM?!

He was probably my favorite part of this movie and the comeback of his character was done perfectly.

Writing Score: 15/20

Acting

Sometimes, you watch an actor/actress on screen and you just marvel at how bad their acting is despite getting cast in the role—*cough*Liv Tyler in Armageddon*cough*—and luckily, there was none of that in this movie.

Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard both gave entertaining performances as their characters, while Justice Smith was a rather effective comic relief. There were no stand-out acting performances in the film, however.

Also, I have to say, Isabella Sermon did a terrific job as Maisie in the film, and I think she definitely has the potential to become a very talented actress.

Acting Score: 19/20

Soundtrack

He's no John Williams, but Michael Giacchino is the man behind some of my favorite soundtracks, including Ratatouille, Up, Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, Inside Out, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, and actually, very recently, Incredibles 2.

And I don't think the soundtrack in this movie could've been any better. There are multiple scenes, including the beginning and ending, where I felt the soundtrack was a very nice touch to the scene.

Soundtrack Score: 18/20

Directing

Now, this is my first time reviewing J.A. Bayona's directing work, and I'd say he did a pretty worthy job of making the movie. Bayona was able to truly convey the beautiful moments, the sad moments, and the incredibly dark moments in the film.

Also, this scene, which honestly felt like it could've been in a horror movie, just feels like something Bayona would do, having previously directed The Orphanage.

I'd say the movie was directed pretty well, and Bayona brought his own personal style to Jurassic Park movies.

Directing Score: 18/20

Original

Sequels are tough—as a screenwriter, I should know. When it comes to making a sequel, the sequel needs to be memorable and different, and it should always be as good as, if not better than, the original.

And I think Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom comes pretty damn close to being as good as the original.

Now, I believe Jurassic World was slightly more enjoyable, memorable, and classic than Fallen Kingdom. The first one was a REALLY good movie, and this movie, while also enjoyable, ended up just feeling somewhat tired.

I like this movie a lot. I really do. But unless they can come up with some REALLY good new developments to the whole dinosaur story, then this series is gonna need to end at Jurassic World 3.

I don't think this movie was better than the original. It wasn't as good as the original Jurassic World. It's ALMOST as good, but it wasn't, and this is due to the fact that nothing really surprised me in the story.

But should you go watch this movie? Hell yes.

Original Score: 17/20

TOTAL SCORE: 87/100

And if you've already seen the movie, I'm gonna write some spoiler-filled thoughts below. So, if you HAVE NOT seen the movie, make like a tree and get out of here.

"SAVE THE DINOS! SAVE THE DINOS FROM EXTINCTION! ANIMAL RIGHTS!"

NO!! F**K YOU! I'm sorry, but while I appreciate the film's ending aesthetically, I would NOT want to coexist with dinosaurs, alright?

This movie makes it seem like, "Oh, a happy ending! The dinosaurs survived!" If it were up to ME, I would've let those motherf**king dinosaurs die in that building.

Why is Malcolm my favorite character? Because he, like me, is a firm believer in chaos theory, and this is a quote from him in the movie.

"These creatures were here before us. And if we're not careful, they'll be here after us."

I do NOT believe that dinosaurs and humans can learn to peacefully coexist. Because while other animals, such as lions, tigers, and bears, are capable of eating humans, humans can stop them with a shotgun.

But let's say you're going to your local bodega to buy yourself some fruits and veggies and you see THIS motherf**ker waiting for you, with bits of drool hanging from its mouth.

Try to stop this thing with a shotgun, I dare you. Hell, get a f**king tank and stop this thing. It won't f**king matter because one minute, you're just chilling on the street, and the next, you're literally being digested.

Maizie let those dinosaurs loose, and she's gonna have so much blood on her hands that they'll be permanently dyed red. Like, those f**king T-Rexes are gonna start drinking too much wine and they'll have to make a baby f**king T-Rex, and soon, there'll be THOUSANDS of 'em, finding snacks EVERYWHERE.

Humans and dinosaurs just won't ever coexist peacefully. That little girl is gonna be singlehandedly responsible for the extinction of humans.

Geez, I had to get that off my chest. Well, at least this is all just fiction, and dinosaurs aren't ACTUALLY coming back to life.

OH, F**K YOU!!!!