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2017 has given the planet its fair share of miseries and it's hard not to imagine oneself in the distant future, far away from the incessant click of phones and barrage of selfies (including my own, check my selfie it's my best yet). Technology and AI are making great leaps and bounds. The first female robot has been given citizenship of Saudi Arabia and you now have the option of consulting your doctor from your phone. For some reason the Conservative party still wants to remain in 1500 but that's ok, like climate change deniers it's likely they will catch up to the rest of the population in a century or so.
There's an app for everything: cue tracking your menstrual cycle and fitness apps you will never use. Ordering food has never been so simple, although sometimes it's like playing Russian Roulette (is that cat in my wrap? Thanks JustEat), and we can now steal other people's debit cards and go on a spree of £30 using the contactless features (particularly useful). Fake news, real news, makeup tutorials- all in our pockets. What's not to love about the future? We now have something to fill awkward silences with when we are bored with our friends. Meme tagging has become the highest form of affection.
The world will never be the same, and it's evolving fast. It's hard to imagine life before the onslaught of technology.
Orwell saw dystopia, Hollywood saw flying cars, George Lucas saw lightsabers. Me, I'm a little more realistic in imagining what the future holds.
- Global temperature rises, causing the Kardashians to melt and become one. Kardashian blob proceeds to eat L.A
- Everyone is so offended by everything it has become easier just to stop speaking altogether. Communication happens via emoji.
- The wall at Mexico has become a giant tennis net and people just play tennis there all day.
- It is not uncommon to find one's other half owned some form of pleasure-bot prior to meeting you. Said pleasure-bot may still be hiding in the basement for when you break up. (Or go to the shop)
- Food is now vape-able.
- Alcohol is now vape-able.
- Sex is now vape-able.
- Tinder is taught in history class.
- Lady Gaga is now serving her 2nd term as The President of the United States.
- Donald Trump is dead. You and 3 billion others like this.
- Mark Zuckerberg is dead. You and 3 billion others like this.
- Brexit Britain sends Europe that "miss you" drunken text. Europe leaves that shit on read.
- Bee movie is now considered a "classic".
- Meme study is mandatory.
- Kids do not know how to use pens. Using a pen he become a rare skill, like playing the harp.
- It is now common to livestream the birth of your first child to 1000 relative strangers on social media.
- However, if you don't want to do it old school, you can now grow your baby in your fridge.
- Genetic engineering has become so advanced that ugly people no longer exist.
- The human hand has evolved into some kind of fleshy phone holder.
- Just as evolution caught up, Apple launches a phone that exists as a microchip in the skin.