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Logan Learns to Be Human

Learning to be human might be difficult for some.

It's been about four months since I was placed into another home for residence. Before I entered, it was just a father and son that lived here.

The father's name is Thomas and his atmosphere differed from the one my "father" had. Whenever I did tasks that were considered malfunctions, such as questioning what I am ordered to do, I would brace myself for a violent "fixing," but would instead be greeted with an explanation and what was referred to as a hug if I showed signs of what was said to be "fear" or "PTSD." At first, I wasn't exactly accustomed to these hugs since I wasn't sure if it was the first step in an unfamiliar form of "fixing," but I eventually found them to be quite warm and addictive. Although, I wouldn't express this addiction out loud, something tells me that Thomas had an idea.

His son, Patton, has shown to have a lot of energy. Ever since he found out about my past, he has had a habit of making remarks such as "Bet you'd be an iron giant nerd in school" or "Let's take Astro-ll around the mark, boy" containing what he calls "puns" before shutting his mouth and saying, "I'm sorry" over and over. He claimed to not know if the phrases made me uncomfortable, I guess because of the PTSD thing Thomas brought up before.

During my first several days settling in, there were indications of confusion. One evening, Patton was showing pictures of what were called animals, such as cats and dogs. Some of them looked familiar due to the nights where I would watch the T.V. on mute so that my "parents" wouldn't know. From the nearby room, known as the kitchen, I started to detect an aroma and followed it into the kitchen to find Thomas by a stove. Thomas seemed focused on what he was doing with the items on the stove. After not too long, he turned my way and chuckled.

"I guess you liked the smell?" He asked me.

I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just said "It's different from the oil mother made me drink."

Thomas gave a frown as a response, but it was softer in contrast to the frowns from my "father." He then said something softly that almost sounded like "The things people do to break families" before saying in a louder volume "Well, this is pasta. Would you like to help me make it?"

He showed me how to help make the pasta instead of just putting me in front of the stove and leaving. When the pasta was done, Thomas portioned it out onto three plates, put them on the table, and led me to one of the chairs. From what I remembered from the worlds on the television, pasta was usually eaten with a fork, so I did such an action and, to my pleasure, it was amazing. It tasted different from the Pepsi from months ago, but it still tasted great.

After dinner, Thomas brought the dishes to the sink and Patton led me to where he powers down or sleeps. His room had a lot of decorations that resembled the animals he has shown me before. Along with that, there was a bed, some motionless versions of the animals that I would later learn were called toys and teddy bears, and a computer. I was staring at the computer while Patton was doing a ritual before going to sleep. I had so many questions, but wasn't sure if I would need to be fixed as a result of asking these questions.

I heard someone clearing their throat and I turned around to see Patton in light blue pajamas with pink "hearts" on them.

"Do you want to take the bed or are you fine with sharing it for the night?" Patton asked me.

I stared at the computer again and crouched down to see a chord connected to it. There was a light coming from the computer showing that it was charging. Patton walked next to me.

"I'll never understand why people are so desperate to keep kids away from a loving family," Patton said to me.

I noticed that his eyes were releasing some liquid that slid down his cheeks. I decided to make a bold move and ask about it.

"Why is that liquid coming out of your eyes?"

Patton looked at me and I thought he might try to "fix" me, but he just gave a sigh before speaking.

"Many reasons. Because cruel people exist. Because you could've had a proper life. Because I'm overly sentimental. Because I'm human."

The last sentence stuck out to me. I thought back to the times where I had to report any signs of emotions to my "father" and he called it a malfunction before "fixing" me.

"Humans don't get fixed for having emotions?" I asked as well as miming out the beatings used to "fix" me.

"You're human. Even if you don't express emotions like everyone else, that won't make you any less human. What they did to you sounds unforgivable, but it shouldn't be too late for you to know what a proper family really is." Patton told me.

He escorted me to his bed and made his way to the half closer to the wall while I was on the side further away. The warmth felt nice, almost similar to one of Thomas's hugs, so I managed to sleep rather quickly.

I saw images of me being back in the house I spent years in. I was questioning my "father" and he led me to the backyard before digging a hole. He was about to swing the shovel at my head, but I opened my eyes and found myself back in Thomas's house and in Patton's bed. I placed a hand on my chest and felt rapid beating from what I initially thought was a motor.

I felt some movement next to me and heard a familiar voice.

"Are you okay?" It was Patton's voice.

I told him about the images I saw and he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"It was only a nightmare. He can't hurt you anymore."

He gave he a small teddy bear to hold before wrapping his arms around me.

"Is this another hug?" I asked.

"It's like a hug, but this is called cuddling."

It took a little longer, but I managed to get back to sleep while thinking of Patton saying "He can't hurt you anymore".

As I spent more time in the with them, I started to learn more about what other humans usually do, such as spending time with friends, learning, and other activities. They took me to a library since reading books was how I got my education initially. Patton introduced me to some people he called his friends, Roman and Virgil (whom I'd later find out were in a romantic relationship), as we were passing the Fantasy section on our way to finding more books. Sometimes, as "jokes," Roman would misguide me to see how much I actually know about human activity, but Patton would give him a lecture and help guide me on the right path.

Thanks to the three and Thomas, I've been learning a lot more about the hardships and accomplishments of humanity in the past and present, especially an accomplishment in the form of Crofters Jam.

I found out that I really enjoyed reading and learning, especially what I am capable of as a human. However, after what happened for years, I still don't find it easy to express emotions, but I'm not scared to admit that they do exist.

Which leads to now, from what I've learned, it's my birthday and my friends and Thomas have been helping me celebrate it with a smile on my face. Patton gave me a DVD for us to watch together. It's called Big Hero 6 and it seemed like he was worried about accidentally offending me, but I assured him that I'd enjoy watching it. Thomas managed to get me two things that me feel extremely happy—this journal I'm writing in to help me express my thoughts if I can't tell anyone else and the paperwork confirming that he was adopting me, complete with a proper name for me.

Before I take too long and miss watching Big Hero 6 with Patton and Thomas, I'd like to say something I am proud to confirm:

My name is Logan Sanders and I am human.

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