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Music boomed in the bar in Newark, Delaware. The occasion recognized the graduates of the Abrahamic faith, namely Moses, Muhammad, and Jesus. The big three religions, Judaism, Islam, and Christianity received celebratory notes from the hundred or so people in attendance. But Mohammad skulked around the place. He failed to engage with his fellow men. His sinister grin and devious strides belied his yearning to be a part of the crowd. Jesus caught Mohammad out of the side of his eye.
“Hey, Mo’! Why don’t you join me and the other Mo’ for some wine?” Jesus said.
Mohammad looked at the symbol of Christianity and looked down at the open bar. Mohammad grabbed a beer.
“You know you’ve got to try the gefilte fish,” Moses said. “It’s actually quite good.”
Just then Jesus spilled the wine and kneeled at Mohammad’s feet to clean up the mess. The prophet Mohammad took this as a sign of capitulation and a smug grin crept onto his face.
“You ever wonder why Christianity has spawned such good music? I mean the Negro Spirituals that black American slaves sang spawned gospel, the blues, jazz, rock and roll, rhythm and blues, soul, disco, hip hop, freestyle, and other forms and stylings,” Moses remarked. Jesus raised to his feet.
“I hope that I did not offend you, Mo’,” Jesus said.
Mohammad beamed. “No, not in the slightest.”
“I can’t believe that they’re actually showing our highlights.”
On a large projector, scenes from sports tournaments that the three major religious figures participated in appeared on screen.
“I still say that one should be meek and mild,” Jesus said. “That’s why I always let the other basketball team win (mostly). Our team would be furious until I explained to them that altruism is the key to self-fulfillment. They would be subdued by this. I would then make a miracle half court shot and win the game. This is to show that you can win by submitting to the will of God and he’ll perform his wonders for you.”
“Speaking of submitting,” Moses turned to Mohammad and said, “You forced all of your football team members to abide by your new code of faith. This led to some static amongst the other players. How’d you contend with that?”
Mohammad was slow to speak. He then answered, “I knew that I could instill in them the fear of Allah and allow that sense to permeate through our games. We were perfect every year that I played from freshman to senior year.”
“I wasn’t half bad at baseball during my time at Abraham,” Moses said.
Then, a gorgeous and curvaceous woman walked up to the three legendary figures. She blushed at the sight of them, her brown skin turning reddish.
“It’s a pleasure to be in the company of the three men who shaped the world,” the woman named Gay said.
Jesus held his head in shame. Moses flashed a quick smile. Mohammad wanted the woman’s details.
“I’ll text you after the reunion,” Mohammad said.
“Still the sly fox,” Moses said.
Jesus continued to bow his head.
Then Mohammad got a few more beers in him and started to make his way to the DJ booth. He pushed the DJ out of the way and made an announcement to the crowd.
“My brothers, my sisters. We are all here to remember our days at Abraham High. It is with great joy that I would like to single out the two other men who are responsible for the deaths of billions of people over the centuries, Moses and Jesus!”
Applause raise up from the room in sporadic fashion. The DJ attempted to return to the booth but was thwarted by a stiff elbow from the prophet Mohammad. In the process, he spilled his beer on the equipment. Sparks flew up into the air like lights a from pyrotechnic display. He tried to prevent the main wire from getting wet but a surge of electricity coursed through his body at this attempt. Mohammad took the brunt of the shock and fell back, dead.
“I guess the Islamic religion can be a ‘shocking’ experience after all.”