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My brain confused me back when I didn’t know I had schizophrenia, much less was educated on what it was. If I could Quantum Leap-style time travel, I would go back to high school and get myself medication. Back then, I had a hard time with the off-switch. Not being on any medication whatsoever can cause brain damage. Alcohol can also cause brain damage. With schizophrenia, you are already born with structural differences in your anatomy because of the design of your brain since conception. Schizophrenia causes a loss of gray matter in the brain, as well as in the temporal and frontal lobes.
Those who have never been treated for their schizophrenia have less gray matter, also. You can imagine what alcohol does to a schizophrenic on top of that. Eventually, as a medium and an all-around psychic, I had to learn to filter stuff out. Medication really helps with this, which is why I need to take mine on a regular basis anyhow, especially to be able to write coherently, period. Crowded places are hell for me in the present, although I can handle going to the mall now.
I have, however, avoided a Christmas event for the last two years I have been living by myself. The event is too crowded for my taste and I was watching my blood sugar, so a churro was not necessarily something I was willing to put in my body at the time. Until I have, in recent times, learned how to control my psychic talent with an off/on switch somebody taught me, I was freaked out in public places. Sometimes you have to tune out these abilities in order to live like a normal person anyway.
The psych ward understands my schizophrenia, and I have never been on the inside of a psych ward before, since I do not mess myself up. This is why I write these articles in particular, if only to get it through other psychic’s heads that I take medication for my schizophrenia. It even helps control my psychokinesis, the bending of metals with energy or chi. When my very dead grandmother manifests, for example, I feel a chill in the room. Although she has learned how not to make it chilly. Even on a hot summer’s day, suddenly the temperature changes when I’m dealing with a spirit. I once gave a friend of mine a reading where their grandfather showed up. The affidavit said the room got colder. I have since lost this affidavit, but I did one for my spiritualist church back then.
I need to find another spiritualist church so I can continue my training with regard to my psychic abilities. My first church was not exactly open-minded about those of us who practice witchcraft. So, eventually, they did close the church because of other reasons besides the money situation. Other churches meet at the same site, but I decided to take a break from spiritualism in 2007. I wrestle with my skepticism on good days. Sometimes my brain acts like an antenna and that is exhausting to deal with. It is why, when I set foot in Los Angeles, I feel wound up. The second the plane lands or the car pulls into Los Angeles freeways, I get terrified. It makes me outright manic. My educational future may take place in Los Angeles, in a sea of nerds, but I’m scared of crowds, since I have died in mob violence more than once in my past lives.
I read that I can always turn my abilities down by asking my spirit guides to do this. You have to also enforce major boundaries with spirits, if only because it is necessary for your mental health. If you feel a spirit around you, there is always an option of kicking them out of your energy field. You do not have to deal with every spirit that passes through. Sometimes, the famous dead are people I talk to after they have died to acclimate them to the no-sleeping part of the spirit world. I keep myself pretty closeted as a psychic, although these articles are one step out into the world where I can talk about my abilities through writing books. I need the training to be more confident in my abilities so I can use them to help people. I feel like in the next year, I need to keep a journal. I hesitate deeply to come out, but writing these articles is a way of me coming out safely. The broom closet is a place I hide out in, because it is safer for me than being out.