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Pharmacy Tech (Stat Driver) in Hell NAH, USA

Had me driving all over creation in the dead of night...

Ooooo I wish, I wish, I WISH!

I got sent to Camden and Magnolia to deliver some medicine right... Well, when I got to the halfway point between Camden and Stephens on my way to Magnolia, a shooting star fell out of the sky really close to the road I was on. I remember my first thought was, "You're chunking rocks at me now Lord?!" I was so shocked that I forgot to make a wish as soon as I'd seen it, but I did make a "just in case $10,000,000.00 wish" after the fact. Hey, ya never know. THEN, all of a sudden the radio station began to fade out into static. Mmmhmmmm... Yeah, that's what I thought too. 

You come in peace my A**!

You KNOW we've seen those horror movies about aliens and the usual happenings when someone is on the road late at night. YOU KNOW... when no one else is around and their radio station starts fading away to static. Yeah, that. This happened RIGHT after the shooting star thing. I started to panic but decided to make a statement just IN CASE something was out there listening. I kept my eyes on the road, addressed the open air and said, "Unless you are bringing me check, do NOT think you're about to get my black a** on that ship without a fight. I don't have time to be on Channel 4 News one day talking about how the aliens a** probed me and give my mama a heart attack. LEAVE ME ALONE!" Y'all laughing but I'm dead serious. ((hands on hips)) Who has time for that? "Not I" said the cat.

Then, my GPS started tripping. It said, "You are at your destination" when I finally got to Magnolia. I looked over to my right where it had indicated and thought, "The devil is a lie. That's CAR MART!" ((GRRR)) I had to call the nursing home to get final directions. I was only a couple of blocks away, and something funky was definitely going on.

GPS,"TURN LEFT." Me,"GO TO HELL!"

 My GPS made me cuss a blue streak that night, I'll tell you what. It took me down through the woods a different way than I'd come inside little hick towns (like CALE) that I've never even heard of before. That's really bad considering I've lived in Arkansas my entire life. Why did it do that? All I did was select "reverse trip." It should have directed me right back the way I'd originally come. It always had before. Anyway, I got to a point on that lonely, foggy, cold and dark highway when the GPS directed me to turn left. I slowed down a bit and looked left. There was nothing but a skinny pitch black dirt road. HELL TO THE NO! There wasn't even a sign marking the road. There was nothing but dirt, and the trees were so closed in on that road that you could stick your hand out of the window while you drove down it and touch them.

I kept straight and totally bypassed that lonely stretch of Ooga Booga, Arkansas for fear that something really was after me and trying to trick me into some dumb sh*t. Could have been demons. Could have been aliens. Who knows? I wondered if I was gonna have to call Ed and Lorraine Warren or the FBI. It looked like something out of The Fourth Kind. Ya know, they (aliens and/or demons) should have asked somebody. I graduated top of my class at Horror Movie F*ckery & Whatcha DON'T Do University of The Deep South.

Okay, Imma need you to give me 50 light years. Somehow "50 feet" just aint gonna cut it!





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Pharmacy Tech (Stat Driver) in Hell NAH, USA
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