The Devil and Apple Juice

“Finally, someone came here! What’s up girl?”

I turned around, almost tripping over myself as I faced the voice. I looked at the figure in front of me, confused at the person—well let's call it a person for now I was seeing. A relatively young looking guy, probably late 20s, grinned from ear to ear as he looked me up and down, hands in his pockets.

“Well, are you going to say anything?” he asked, amused at my obvious shock and agaped mouth. When I said nothing, he laughed. It was one of those deep laughs that comes from the stomach. You know, the lumberjack type.

“I bet you expected me to look different than I actually do.”

Regaining my composure the only thing I would muster to say was, “Well shit, yeah.”

He raised his eyebrows at me and laughed again, watching me as I finally got to look around for the first time since I got there. I noticed that we were at a the entrance of a beach, perched beneath a palm tree. The water lapped peacefully on the sand and the coast stretched as far as I could see. To my left, I saw a giant volcano bubbling with lava, the orange liquid spewing out the top and running down its sides. I did a double take and gasped, stepping back as my instincts warning me of danger.

"That's a fucking active volcano," I yelled. The guy just rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Yeah, good observation".

“Why are you being so casual, is that even safe?” I asked, wearily eyeing the massive death trap less than a mile away and thinking about how this could easily become Pompeii part II.

He shook his head and said, “No, it’s completely harmless. Actually, nothing here can kill you. You're already dead, remember? You can feel the breeze and warmth and all that, but you can’t die. This is the afterlife, after all.”

Oh yeah. I'm dead, I thought.

"Weird."

“Hell, you could swim in that volcano if you wanted. It’s like a giant deadly hot tub, but without the deadly part.”

I gave a nervous laugh and continued to observe my surroundings.

To my right, there were a bunch of vacant villas along the coast. It was quite beautiful and I closed my eyes with the breeze.

“So, this is hell?” I asked slowly.

“Yeup”.

“And… you're Satan…?”

“Well, I’d prefer Lucifer. But I know you humans are accustomed to that name, so either one is fine.”

I gave a slight nod and took a better look at him as I calmed down a bit more. He was probably around eight feet tall with small black wings sticking out of his back, something I hadn't noticed when I first saw him. His black hair was disheveled and he had a bit of scruff lining his jaw.

I smirked, I liked guys with scruff.

His gray Just Do It t-shirt was wrinkled and he had on navy sweatpants that went over his bare feet.

I looked down at myself and realized I was wearing a soft blue dress, not the ripped jeans and bloody sweater I had on in the crash.

'This is a nice change', I thought, rubbing the soft fabric between my fingers.

“So, I don't mean to be rude, but you don't-”

“I don't look like Satan?” he cut me off with a small smile. I grimaced and gave a guilty glance.

“Don't be embarrassed, but no I don't have a pitchfork and I don't look like Hellboy,” Lucifer shrugged, “common misconception.”

I laughed, feeling a lot more at ease with where I was and this strange... thing that stood next to me.

“Well, we might as well get to know each other. It's just us two here and we have an eternity,” he said matter of factly, holding his hand out to me.

I hesitated, then shook off my doubt and took his hand. We walked towards the villas where there was a petite bar in the middle, tiki torches and string lights littered the area. He sat me at the bar front and went behind to make some cocktails.

“Want a drink?”, he asked, “We have everything from gin to Capri Sun pouches.”

I thought for a second, “Do you have apple juice?”.

“Of course I do,” he exclaimed, “who do you think I am, the devil?”

He smirked to himself and pulled out two apple juice boxes, pouring them in the fancy martini glasses and dramatically placing vacation umbrellas in them to top it off.

“Why thank you, good sir,” I saluted and bowed my head.

He grinned and took a seat next to me, turning his head sideways to look at me.

“You must have a lot of questions.”

I took a small sip of my juice and looked back at him, the realization of where I was actually hitting me.

“Yeah, I have so many. I just don't know where to start”.

“Understandable. Well I have all the answers, so whenever you're comfortable I'm here to answer”.

He then gestured at the TV behind the bar, “Any requests?”

“Doctor Strange. I love that movie,” I replied, “if you have it.”

“Good choice,” he glanced forward and the TV flashed on, the Marvel introduction playing.

It was quiet for a few minutes as we both watched the screen.

“Is this what hell is always like?” I asked, breaking the silence and gesturing to the setting sun over the water.

“It's whatever I want it to be,” he replied, “I could make it a city or a frozen tundra, but I just prefer the beach”.

“Huh,” I said, interested.

“No fire or brimstone and screaming demons?”

He smiled, “No, none of that.”

“So why is it so different than what humans think?”

“Because people think that when there's good, there has to be a bad to counter it,” he shrugged, “people always forget that we gave them free will, and that's why there's bad. I'm not influencing them. It's their own problem, but they need someone to blame. They're naive. That's why no one chooses to come here, they think it's terrible and evil. Even the people who worship me on Earth always chicken out. I'm not really upset though, those fuckers are weird.”

He looked sad as he took a sip from his juice, “People just forget that I'm still an angel. I'm a good guy, I just wanted to do my own thing. I get really lonely here, so I'm glad you decided to drop in. You don't seem like a bitch either so that's a bonus.”

“Thanks, I think,” I replied, “Does that mean you and God don't hate each other?”

“God and I are actually pretty close, contrary to your religions. God and I aren't enemies, more like brothers with issues. We usually meet up once a year to watch the Super Bowl together. Hopefully the Pats win this year, Brady is the GOAT.”

“Go Pats,” I exclaimed, smiling that the so called “devil” shared my love for the team.

“Speaking of that misconception,” he looked at me, “why the fuck did you choose to come here? You obviously met Mike. Good dude. What did he say when you said you wanted to come here?”

I nodded. I had met the evangelist in purgatory when I was making the choice to go to either heaven or hell. I died really young, 18, actually. I'm not exactly sure how long I was in purgatory, but it seemed like years.

“He didn't say much, he just smiled and said okay. He was really nice. He sprinkled some sort of red glitter on me and here I am.”

I smiled again and sighed, “I honestly chose to come here as joke. I just felt like heaven would be cliche, and I was hoping to move up in your evil ranks as a bad-ass second-hand woman or something. You know, seduce you with my villainy and hotness and all that.”

He snorted out his apple juice and we both began laughing hysterically.

“That's rich,” he laughed, wiping a tear from his eye.

We slowly stopped laughing and I turned around to look at the beach.

“I could get used to this though. Definitely beats cold New England weather.”

“Well good, you'll be here a while”, he grinned lopsidedly at me, “and even when you do get used to it, we can always change it. Anything we want. There's no restrictions here.”

I smiled, feeling my heart skip with excitement. Or is that just because I'm dead?

All of a sudden, The B-52’s “Love Shack” started playing in the bar. Lucifer grabbed my hand and took me to the dance floor, causing me to shout in laughter as we sang. And in that moment, the only thing I cared about was screaming the lyrics and dancing the night away in a perfect hell, with the perfect devil.