The Invisible Mummy was having another bad day.
He’d been causing disturbances at the used car dealership, making mild bits of mayhem by disconnecting computers from wall sockets, smearing windows with bandage grease and pushing Mini Coopers out of their parking spaces. But the inattentive car dealers were too bored, distracted or hungover to notice his disruptions. When, using all of his strength, he managed to push a Mini Cooper to the edge of the lot, shoving it up against the rusty chain that surrounded the place, one pudgy salesman finally took notice.
“Burt,” he called into the wood-paneled office, taking a cigarette from his mouth, “didn’t you park that Mini Cooper after the test drive?”
“Didn’t test drive no Mini Cooper.” Burt was preoccupied with a smartphone game that involved hot dog buns and hungry puppies.
“Well, somebody sure forgot to put ‘er back.”
“That wasn’t just somebody. That was the Invisible Mummy,” said the Invisible Mummy. The Invisible Mummy had been conveniently near Dillon, the overweight salesman when he’d made his comment. An invisible smile of satisfaction spread slowly across his bandaged mummy face. At last, one of the foolish residents of this oblivious town had taken note of his frightening actions. The first gratifying signs of mummy fear had appeared.
“Who? What?” asked the baffled Dillon.
“The Invisible Mummy did it. I wander the Earth, an accursed Chilean mummy from the gray fogs of pre history, vengefully leaving untold wreckage and horror in my wake.”
“Shit, my phone must’ve gone off. Crazy shit. Butt video!” The hefty car dealer laughed loudly and took his smartphone from his rear pants pocket. No video was playing, but he pointlessly shook the phone and pushed its buttons repeatedly.
“That was not your smartphone,” said the Invisible Mummy, growing irritated. “Only the might of the Invisible Mummy could move that Mini Cooper unheeded across your dingy lot.”
“Wow, some crazy audio. Won’t turn off.” Dillon kept punching the smartphone power button with his pudgy index finger.
Santiago Fuentes, the youngest dealer, a promising drop-out from Gainsburgh Community College, slouched over to the Mini Cooper. “Somebody buying this Mini Cooper, homes?”
“No one’s buying nothing,” said Dillon.
“That Mini Cooper was transported by the uncanny power of the Invisible Mummy.”
Santiago took note of the sonorously creaky voice that appeared out of nowhere. “Is that your smartphone, homes?”
“That is no smartphone. It is the unmistakable, commanding tone of the Invisible Mummy.”
“What Invisible Mummy?”
“I have been unleashing my vengeance on your doomed dealership throughout the morning and early afternoon. You will find several surprising malfunctions in your electronic equipment as the baleful day progresses.”
“Invisible Mummy? I never heard of no Invisible Mummy.”
“Pay that voice no heed, Santiago. It’s just some phone malfunction.”
“What you have heard of is of no consequence to me,” continued the Invisible Mummy, purposefully stepping on the end of Dillon’s comment to stave off any further discussion of cell phones. “I am the Invisible Mummy. Ignore me at your peril.”
Santiago approached the spot beside Dillon where the voice seemed to be originating. He looked suspiciously at the air. “Wait…don’t you mean the Invisible Man? I heard of the Invisible Man.”
“An Invisible Mummy is far more frightening than an Invisible Man,” argued the Invisible Mummy.
Santiago frowned. “No, dude. It’s confusing. Are you the Mummy or the Invisible Man?”
“Neither. I am the Invisible Mummy.”
“That’s just confusing, homes.”
“It is a little hard to picture,” said Dillon.
“Of course it’s hard to picture. I’m invisible.” The Invisible Mummy was used to mere mortals having trouble accepting his existence. He did not fit easily into the readily accepted categories of the monstrous creature. “But I am far scarier than a simple Invisible Man. As an Invisible Mummy, I am thousands of years old and bear an ancient Chilean curse.”
Santiago was not convinced. “If you’re invisible, how do we know you’re really a mummy? You could just be some invisible guy saying he’s a mummy.”
“Why would a mere invisible man make up a far-fetched story about being an Invisible Mummy?”
Santiago put his hands on his hips. “So then if you’re a mummy, why don’t you prove it, man? Let me touch your bandages.” Santiago reached into the seemingly empty space before him.
The Invisible Mummy backed up quickly. “Get back! Keep your hands off my ancient bandages! These bandages are delicate! Thousands of…Ooof!” There was a bang and then a heavy thud.
“Shit, dude what happened?”
Dillon looked at a fresh dent on a sports car behind them. “I think the mummy just tripped over that Mercury.”
“Are you okay, man?”
There was a series of thumps, grunts, and bumps from the direction of the asphalt. “Fine. Ecch. Just…just a little banged up.”
“Hey, I’ll help you up.”
“Stay back! Stay back! The Invisible Mummy requires no assistance!” There was a miserable, heaving groan and then a series of heavy footsteps making a quick retreat toward a wooded area behind the lot. “I am the Invisible Mummy! I will return for further vengeance!” called the voice, in a diminishing volume as it moved away.
The chain near the wooded edge of the lot wiggled slightly and the footsteps quickly retreated into silence.
Santiago knelt down, feeling the fresh dent on the Mercury. “What the hell, Dillon? You think that was really an Invisible Mummy?”
“Shit, no, probably just some kid playing pranks.”
“How does a kid become an Invisible Mummy?”
“Shit, Santiago, you got a lot to learn about technology. Let’s take lunch.”
They walked off the lot as the accursed aura of the Invisible Mummy began to loosen its grip on the luckless dealership.