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Why I Celebrate Non-Modern Customs

My family raised me as a Methodist and I have practiced every Christian holiday until I was 19.

By Heather WilkinsPublished 6 years ago 9 min read
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Yule is celebrated the start of the winter solstice. Many people go to Stonehenge to watch the last sunset.

I was baptized under the Protestant branch of Methodism. I went to church, did communion a couple of times, and attended every Easter and Christmas service. My mother told me and my sister whenever we get married, she will let us borrow her white wedding dress. She also said boyfriends who are potential suitors for husbandry must ask permission first and get us a diamond ring. But the one thing that kept bothering me was there was no explanation as to why we celebrate these holidays when we don't know where they originally came from. Why are we supposed to wear white when no other culture uses white? Why am I, or my sister for that matter, supposed to have a diamond ring when we think they are really useless and tacky?

Sure, we know that Easter was celebrated by the Assyrians for their goddess Ishtar, Yule was 12 days of giving and kindness that got wrapped up into two days known as Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and Samhain was celebrated near the end of October and coincides with Día de Muertos celebrated the first of November in Mexico.

But it doesn't stop with holidays. It also goes into culture changes based on economic or iconic moments in history. Queen Vicki married Prince Albert in 1840 in a white wedding down and set the modern trend we know today for white gowns in bridal stores. It was the boom in the economy after WWI where diamonds became fashionable for rings because it means forever (but who wants to wear a piece of coal on their finger?).

As for me, I have decided to forego the modern traditions and cultural norms and find ways to celebrate holidays and cultural customs that not many people would enjoy celebrating today.

Wedding Dresses & Rings

Every girl dreams of their wedding day as a small child. I don't think I ever dreamed of my own wedding day, but I knew that I would always wear a dress with blue in it. I drew blue dresses in the same style as Aurora's from Sleeping Beauty. I used to love the color blue so much because when I wore a blue dress with my blonde hair, I often pretended I was like Alice in Wonderland.

But the one person I hate for pushing the white wedding dress was Queen Victoria. Even though she helped England expand it's empire, her notion of making other colors outside of white a disgrace and non-traditional to wear is humorous.

Plenty of people before Victoria had dresses that were not white on their wedding day. Before Queen Vicki ascended the throne as a mere teenager, plenty of women wore their best dress on their wedding day and continued to wear it afterwards. It wasn't a common idea to wear one dress and stop using it. You had festive parties that welcomed a good harvest, celebrations to mark the new year, and church attire that you made sure was clean and ready to be worn.

The only other woman to wear white on her wedding day was Mary, Queen of Scots. However, the mother of the groom who was Catherine de Medici was not too fond the idea that Mary should wear a white wedding dress because Catherine was just getting out of mourning the death of the groom's father, Henry II of France. To see her own daughter-in-law wear something white while marrying her son Frances II of France was considered an insult. It was like a slap to Catherine's face. But it should be noted Mary and Catherine didn't seem to be the best of friends in the first place.

Many women, when Catholicism was a common religion, often wore the color blue on their wedding day or incorporated blue into the wedding day because the Virgin Mary is often dressed in blue clothing or is seen in a blue cloak. Blue was the original color of purity and virginity in olden Christian customs, not white. White was the color Catholics wore when someone died, as a form of mourning. But after 1840, we see people wear black to a funeral thanks to the reclusive Queen Vicki who wore black most of her life after Albert died. She did most of her duties as Queen of England from Windsor Castle, where she and Albert raised most of their children, and never set foot in Parliament or did any public appearances until she was led in a funeral procession inside her own coffin after she died.

Aside from the wedding dress, the engagement ring is also a vexing issue for me, too. My sister and I were born in two different months. Blue topaz is my sister's birthstone. It reminds me of ice or snow during winter. Mine, on the other hand, is garnet, which was used in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Sorcerer's Stone in America). It is a dark red stone and and reminds me of bonfires or heat in general.

Before WWI, there were engagement rings made with the woman's birthstone. If you have seen the first Sherlock Holmes movie with Jude Law and Robert Downy Jr., Watson is carrying an engagement ring with a sapphire inside it because the woman he is seeing was born in September. When Tigger, my boyfriend, asked me if I wanted a diamond ring if there was an engagement in our future, I showed him that video about diamonds with that Adam guy and he forgot my birthstone until I told him he saw it in the first movie of Harry Potter. "Is that the one with the stone?" Tigger asked me. I nodded and looked up garnet on his computer and pointed to the chunk of garnet used in the movie. "I like it, but not many people wear garnet because it is such a heavy stone. It may be hard to find anything with a garnet in it." My sister told me she would force her potential spouse match to get her a blue topaz ring. Of course, our mother says anything that isn't a diamond means you're not really married except in name only. I beg to differ.

It wasn't until diamonds were located in Africa that they became new to the market and were branded with love and marriage. Some of the first slogans say it takes six months' salary to buy a diamond ring or true love is a diamond ring. But I have seen diamonds and I have seen them lab grown and although it is hard to tell the difference, it makes me feel like I am trying to fit in when I've been an outsider all my life. Wearing a diamond on a finger is like a code into the societal system. When I was introduced as engaged to Tigger, it seemed like every women there wanted to know how big of diamond I was going to get. They even told Tigger where to find the best diamond. "We're not using diamond," he said. This confused some people. "What do you mean you're not getting a diamond? Of course you're getting one because it means forever." He told them I requested a garnet ring. When they asked me why, I said it was my birthstone and I felt proud it was used in the first Harry Potter movie. "Oh, well I've never heard of using your birthstone for an engagement ring? Is it a tradition in your family?" Sadly no, but it was a custom before diamonds were the big thing to buy, before WWI. They didn't know how to take it, but they said good luck to us.

Holidays

The holidays are some things in which I often change in practice. Beltane is the first of May, which marks the beginning of summer, while Lammas is on the last day of July to mark the end. I haven't done research into Lammas but I celebrate Beltane and it is quite funny to see the reactions of many people when I wish them a good Beltane. But while not many Christian branches celebrate the first of May, many Catholic and Lutheran branches often burned clearings to promote new growth. Fires were lit and yellow flowers often decorated feasting tables.

Lupercalia was the original Valentine's Day. It welcomed health and fertility of spring and was also a way to ward off evil spirits. Many young virgin women would place their name in an urn and the young boys would draw the women's name in a form of lottery. Speculations of whether or not sexual practices happened during Lupercalia are often left out of records, mostly because pagan cultures did not write down their traditions until many pagans were converted to Christianity and scribes wrote down some of the traditions in holy books.

Yule is one of the most interesting holiday customs that caught my eye at first glance. Starting from the Winter Solstice to New Year's Day, 12 days and nights are garnished and adorned with evergreens like firs and hollies, candles are lit and observed in the dark, and the time of giving and kindness was shared well into the new year. It is a time of rebirth and remembrance and to be grateful for what you have, similar to thanksgiving.

Samhain, Halloween, is the one day our ancestors come to visit us. It is a time to honor those we have lost and enjoy their memories. Some early records indicate that it was spread out from October 31 to November 2. But as culture and religion have adapted to the change in economic prosperity of nations and empires, many recognize Samhain as October 31. (Both Mabon and Samhain are in honor of the Mother Goddess and the Green Man in pagan folk practices where they lose their flourishing life of spring and summer to become dormant until the next year).

How It Affects My Relationships

My parents respect how I want to celebrate a holiday and they also respect how I am as a person. But it doesn't change that when I visit or live in their house, it is their rules until I have a place. Even though there are some holidays I celebrate with my family that are Christian, I mention their old name in greetings.

Although I have a family that loves me, it gets kind of lonely celebrating the holiday in its old custom when no one else is interested in celebrating with me. Hopefully, there are some methods of celebrating that may pique someone's interests and I can find a friend that wants to enjoy the holidays like they want to celebrate, too.

religion
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About the Creator

Heather Wilkins

Born in South Carolina, raised in Florida. I enjoy writing for therapy or stress release. Enjoy my ramblings or any updates on cities where I live.

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