I got sick in the Catholic Church with my mental health symptoms, every time we went to Mass. I got anxious, manic, neurotic, wound up, stressed out, and feeling terrible since I grew up without medication helping me treat my schizophrenia. Church made me all kinds of OCD, in addition. I wanted to escape from the age of 12, but I wasn’t able to escape until I was 20, and got some meds to try out. Church made me stressed; the whole concept was stressful to deal with. I was an out-of-control empath growing up who had no idea how to filter out other people’s energy. This is why I was constantly sick in Mass.
Eventually, I found witchcraft through a friend of mine in camp. It wasn’t until sophomore year that I started practicing seriously. I was forced to go to church until my 20s. Going to Mass by myself was better than going with my constantly symptomatic parents who still to this day do not take medication. I want to work on changing this. Churches frankly scare me to death. I wanted to look into other forms of Christianity which was also forbidden to me. I realized my parents wanted me to stay Catholic because of their OCD, in the present, but in the past, I found their anxiety about my religious exploration confusing, and almost demeaning.
I started taking witchcraft seriously in college. This when I really grew as a person. I used witchcraft to further my personal development. I don’t believe in using magick to acquire things like stuff for your house although I use magick to make more money. I’m low income for now, and really need to start making significant income soon. Being low income is not sustainable anymore.
Witchcraft brought me peace in my power. I say witchcraft only as general term since I’m not wiccan but Reclaiming, which is a female-only path. I would go to Pass the Rattle, a Reclaiming based A.A. group. Also, I would celebrate Sabbats (yearly holidays where public ritual is performed) with them. I have a coven in the present that I fit in with. Also, I want to start practicing on my own again without candles or incense. Pantheacon is a treasure trove of experience with ritual and energy without need for candles. I go to get good ideas. I want to start practicing on my own again. I believe in the Goddess as a general concept and I have inherited the concept of all gods and Goddesses being one.
Back in college, I tried to be a catechist but I found my beliefs had changed. I can never be Catholic again, period. Few go back to Christianity after studying witchcraft. It can happen to some people but it hasn’t happened to me. I will not be going back to Christianity any time soon but I’m a Gnostic Christian anyway. I’m also eager to study Buddhism. Magick serves me and protects me. I’m clearly not Christian anymore. I like going to rituals.
I, however, need to figure out a way to practice on my own. If there is such thing for me, as practicing on my own since I do practice with others more. I have an altar and I’m a student at Greyschool.org. I’m a year-five and it took me quite a while to pass my classes. They linger a lot while I’m busy with other projects. But I do find time to get my work done. I’m trying to enhance my practice this year and do more with, it like heal myself. Many pagans practice energy healing but it is okay to use western medicine for them, as well as to be into science. This is what real witchcraft is about.