Returning to Eden

ENTRY #1:

They were absorbed by the light as soon as the sun rose into the existence of human life. Their souls were sucked away, the essence of their lives twirling into a tornado. Their bodies laid there while flowers blossomed around their rapidly decaying physical entity. The smell of lavender and citrus filled the air while they soon were gone from this world. This was something that happened here every day. We were all given a date when we would lay on the ground and wait for the sun so that we could ascend to The Beyond. No one knew why this happened, but no one questioned it either. It was part of our life and the world accepted it. Watching the flowers bloom was my favorite part; I can no longer look at a flower anymore without feeling despair. After the flowers grew from their rotting flesh, the cycle of Ascension was complete and they were gone forever. I watched this happen every day for many years, waiting for the day that I could participate. Unfortunately, I never got to experience such bliss. April 17, 2095 was the date for my Ascension. The year is now 2099 and everyone on this planet has ascended. I am the last of this world.

ENTRY #2:

It’s been four years since I have seen another human. The planet seems to be shrinking as the endless days drag into oblivion. I have no companion on this journey through this eternal void. My entire life has been reduced to nothing. I never understood how lonely someone could be, but as I look upon every abandoned city, I can feel its yearn for wholeness. I wish I had memories to hold on to, but as soon as everyone had ascended, nostalgia faded away with them. I know I had a family, but the people who were once part of my life are now just an empty space of my memory. The Ascension took them from my mind and left me here to be consumed by the hollow fractions of my soul. I can’t remember who they were but part of me misses them. I will never know what it is like to feel that form of love again. There is no one on this lonely planet to cherish.

ENTRY #3:

Everything is slowly dying in this world. It is difficult to find food and a place to live. Sink holes are forming in the ground and it seems very unlikely for any signs of it stopping. The sun shines with a dark red hue and the sky was the color of dirt. Any day now, the world will be gone forever and I wonder if I am able to die with it. I don’t believe that I will ever go to The Beyond and I will simply just deteriorate into nothing. I envy those who were accepted into such a benevolent fate while I am stuck in an eternal void. I wish I was able to have someone to talk to or to at least hear another voice other than my own. I want to see the flesh of someone who is living. I am nothing but a walking corpse searching for an end.

ENTRY #4:

I want to try and leave this planet. I don’t know if it’s possible but I am willing to attempt to give my life some purpose. I remember what the sky looked like before the Ascension was over. There were stars that cascaded along the universe. They have been there for thousands of years and were overlooked by humans. I wish I could see them now but the smog that now covered the planet’s ozone made that impossible. I want to try and see those stars again. I am going to fly up there and I will risk my life doing so. There is nothing left to live for and my days grow longer each day. Being alive is such agony; I feel like I might go insane if I have to survive any longer. Even if I die, I know I would have died trying to reach the Beyond. I already have started building some type of machine that could at least help me get outside the walls of this planet. I am still searching for parts that I can use to complete it. I don’t know if it will work, but it is the only thing in four years that I have cared about. My soul aches for meaning and if this fails to fly, I am surely left for a lifetime of suffering.

ENTRY #5:

Morning blends into night as the timeless world spins constantly around a dying sun. I try to keep track of time so that I can record this never-ending nightmare. It creates some normalcy to use a clock or to keep to a schedule. Sometimes I forget that my life shouldn’t be this way; I am too deep into a routine that I have lost my sense of anger in my situation. I forget that life isn’t supposed to be this way, that I was supposed to be gone a long time ago and this state of being is infinite purgatory that has led me down a path of misery. Every day I wish to ascend and every day I try. But when I lay on the ground and wait for my soul to be extracted from my body, all I feel is a cold touch that crushes my bones and leaves a lingering feeling for the rest of the day. My body never decomposed and flowers never grew beside me. Every day I wish to become one with The Ascension; and every day I received great defeat. My whole life was centered around The Beyond. I counted every minute that went by so that I can fulfill my purpose in this life. All I am left with is nothing. I am useless and I think that’s why I couldn’t ascend. It’s the main thing I think about because there is nothing left here. Nothing changes anymore. It doesn’t rain and it doesn’t snow. The world is in a constant state of now, and I try so hard to make it feel like time is passing by. But deep down I know, this hell is forever.

ENTRY #6:

There’s an animal I used to keep around with me while I traveled around looking for parts. It was a grey cat who seemed to be abandoned and followed my lead instead. In another life, having a pet would have given me comfort and even joy. Every child wants a pet and it's part of a normal life experience. Maybe I had a pet when my family was here and maybe that is why the cat gave me such grief. I would look at the cat and feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I still kept it around with me because even sad company is better than no company at all. It stayed with me for about five months until it saw another group of cats and left. I don’t blame the cat but it surprisingly made me upset. It was the only living thing I have had as a “friend” in years and it left me. I know if I saw another human I would join them to because I didn’t want to be alone anymore. There weren’t any humans left here so I had nowhere to go. I was doomed to be alone and suffer the crippling silence of this dying world.

ENTRY #7:

I remember when there was music; it filled the vacant spaces of my mind. I loved listening to music, we all did. I wish I could listen to music now but electricity hasn’t worked for years and without technology, there is no other way to obtain music. A long time ago, people would create music themselves but that way over 30 years ago. I wonder if music will just fade away. It would have been bearable to live on like this if there was at least some form of a distraction. Sometimes I hum to myself but it’s not the same. A few days ago, I thought I heard the sound of a violin. It was soft and beautiful. I cried at the thought that there could be someone else out there. I ran towards the direction of the music and eventually, the playing stopped. I searched around, shouting “Is anyone out there?”, hoping that I would receive an answer back. Sadly, I couldn’t find anyone and the hope of finding anyone was crushed by the harsh reality of this unfair world. I wish it didn’t make me hopeful because now it is something I want to find and I feel like I possibly can. As I say this now, I understand how absurd it sounds. There hasn’t been anyone around in years and the only reasonable explanation for hearing something like that is that I’m going insane. But if anyone is out there, I would like to meet you and be in this journey together. We don’t have to be alone.

ENTRY #8:

I found more parts for my ship and it only makes me more anxious about what is to come. Although I don’t care if I die, the wait leading up to my death creates some type of anxiety. Yet, I am ready to travel there. I found enough parts to make the ship big enough for two people; I am considering having two seats inside. All I can think about is the music I heard a while ago. The melody loops continuously in my mind as I daydream about the moment I can meet this person. While looking for parts, I investigated a rundown house for materials and food. There was no food but I was able to find a new change of clothes and a photo album. The album only had 24 pictures and they were mostly of a family. They seemed really happy in every photograph and I was envious of their shared love. I felt a sense of belonging though when I looked at them, and I felt as if I missed them in a way even though I didn’t know them. There was one photo that really took me off guard. It was a picture of me smiling. I don’t know how this family would have had this picture of me or why. I decided to hold on to the photo album; I’m looking at it right now and it just makes me cry.