The Trouble with Humans Teaser

An Original Story

“This was found in the Ambassador’s effects,” said a willowy woman in a HAZMAT suit, holding up what appeared to be a flash drive with a series of miniscule American, Russian, Chinese, and Japanese flags printed on the side.

“You’d think that with his species level of technology he’d use something at least a little more advanced than an 8-gig flash drive” her partner, a slender, almost effeminate, man remarked.

"But look around you. He obviously loves this place, Helse, so why not?"

Helse got to her feet, carefully stretching out to her full height in the restrictive suit and surveyed the room with an intense emerald gaze that had sent more than one prospective “boyfriend” running for the hills.

This being Japan, the requisite anime paraphernalia scattered throughout the cluttered office was visible as spots of color in the stacks of soberly bound books and teetering stacks of paper in the small space. Not to be outdone, a frame containing a signed Superman #1 in mint condition had pride of place on the wall beside the desk, while the spine of a book with “Heinlein” etched in it loomed in large block print from a shelf crammed to bursting with other assorted books from all subjects and eras.

Completing her sweep, she noticed the small window looking out onto the street leading up to the City Hall from 3 stories up and noticed the distinct lack of traffic on the usually bustling street.

“Just noticed that we wasted a day of our short, ephemeral lives looking for something that could just be the Great, Honorable L’retsian Ambassador’s naughty vids?” the man said with an impudent grin.

“Shut up, Riku. If the Department of State hadn’t told me that you were the best investigator the National Police Agency had before this whole mess started, I probably would have drowned you. You know that, don’t you?”

“Tsk tsk, Helse, its Takayashi-san, we are on duty, aren’t we? This is why you Americans always run into trouble with those pigheaded tonchiki Russians; no civility.”

“On second thought, I might drown you yet.”

“Let’s get back while we still can. The people in charge will want to see this.”

“Let’s just hope the good ambassador was right.”

Location: Ikebukuro, Japan

L'Retsian Embassy

"Prime Minister, would you please sit down? The constant pacing you humans do is going to give me an ulcer."

Prime Minister Reiji Hirobumi's thin lips twitched at the thought of the reclining alien being anxious enough for an ulcer. 

"Ambassador Xeleman, the mere thought of such an occurrence fills me with sadness, such as it were, but I am quite sure your other three can manage, we have bigger problems than those of your stomach," said the lean, weathered Minister.

"Dour as always, aren't you, my friend?"

Minister Hirobumi glanced at the alien and found it quite innocently trimming a bonsai plant in the corner of the well-appointed study, whistling an alien melody from its homeworld.

"I am when one of your ambassadors is missing with the fruit of the last 20 years of interspecies research and a world-class scientist to boot."

"Lesev is a buffoon, worry not. He can only run and hide as long as his power holds out... It's a shame he's got so damn much of it or we'd both be sipping sherry and sevrephir on my ship."

The Ambassador looked piercingly into the Prime Minister's eyes with a sly smile playing over his lips.

"I knew it. You let them go chase him and that foolish fellow. A real life Oda and he goes fugitive. You need assurance of a live capture... not bad for a human."

"I don't have any idea what you are talking about, Xeleman." The golden-skinned prime minister suddenly looked wan and pale as he stared unblinking at the being standing before him.

"We shall see. For your sake, you'd better hope they kill each other off."

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