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I've had my fair share of hardships. I've struggled through some crazy things and mental issues. Nothing compared to this year. My best friend of six years broke my heart into a million pieces, and while I dealt with my craziest semester yet, I tried to heal from the abuse he did to me. Then almost two months ago, my dog died. He was the best boy. I loved him so much, and I miss him so much it hurts physically. When he died, I started to question myself.
Since I was twelve I have been an atheist, I was raised bible Christian. But I came to learn how much I hated the faith, how hypocritical organized religion was, and how much that religion does not fit me. If you are of this faith, I mean you no harm, I just personally struggle with the idea of organized religion and controlling people through fear of a higher power. Since then I've not believed in anything, but I will admit I have always felt a connection to something more than nothingness like my old beliefs had me think.
My dog dying shattered my world view for many reasons. The biggest one being that he was so alive, such a personality, there was no way that after he took his last breath that he was just gone. He was too connected, to me, to my family, he couldn't just disappear after that. As I talked to my friends about this feeling, but I still very much lacked the ability or want to believe in the faith I knew. One of my friends started to talk about reincarnation. This started my journey.
I decided to explore the idea of Wicca. I knew of it because I have a close friend who has been studying the craft for many, many years. It was a type of belief system I always felt more attracted to than any other. So I started to read up on it, try to understand it more. The more I read up on it, the more I liked it.
For me, Wicca is more of an unorganized belief system that connects you to the Earth, to yourself, and to everything around you. It's magick works in different ways and their core beliefs are perfect. The belief system is changeable. My craft, my personal craft, can be different from others, and I can practice in solitude. As I thought of my own craft and what I wanted to include, I will not be including the God and Goddess. I believe that the energy we have and connections, are all us. We all work together to be this way. The universe is what connects us, and Wicca is a way to listen to the universe and move forward. When we die, our energy moves on. It reminds me of Avatar the Last Airbender, honestly.
I want to practice magick. I just don't know what I want in my craft. I bought some books on different types that interested me, I also bought books on astrology, as I want that to be a crucial part of my craft. I plan on exploring many different parts of Wicca. Candle magick, crystal magick, herbal magick, moon magick, and more. I plan on blogging about my experience here on each one and which ones I want to add to my craft. I am still debating on an alter, if I want that to be within my craft or if I want to do a more open version, create my own path in a new way.
I have high hopes, I have already started a small practice with myself. I have been listening to my dreams more, and listening to my gut feelings. It has been working out very well. I hope to continue and become more in tune with the energy around me, and allow myself to grow in this new belief system. I am optimistic.